Just for Laughs ← Mommy Warriors

The Best College Essay Ever

Apr

2013

While high school seniors (and their parents) across the country are finding out what colleges have accepted them, I thought I’d do a college themed post. Years ago I came across this. It is an actual essay that a prospective student had written on their college application to NYU. Besides making a mockery of the idea of young 18 year olds having enough accomplishments to actually list, it is also so clever that by the end, this essay itself proves to be an accomplishment. Enjoy… 3A. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, ...

Spring Break Your Back

Apr

2013

Who ever came up with the term “Spring Break” clearly wasn’t a mother. We are 1 week and 2 days into our Spring Break, and it’s anything but a break. In the past 10 days we’ve gone to the movies 3 times (nothing I particularly wanted to see), made 3 dozen cupcakes (of which I ate too many), played endless rounds of championship “Go Fish”, gone for 6 bike rides (up hill both ways), broken up a dozen sibling knock-down fights (got clipped in the jaw in the process), cleaned up after countless art projects, chased after a lost dog ...

The New ‘Mom Fridge’ – One HOT Item

Mar

2013

My girlfriend and I were talking this morning about how the kids are always complaining that there is nothing to eat in the house. We compared what we both had in our refrigerators and quickly came up with the issue. Even though the refrigerator is filled with tons of food, the kids can’t seem to find anything they want (and the husband too for that matter). Why can’t they find the food? Well, they can’t look past what’s right in front of their face. If there are grapes in the very front and pudding and string cheese behind the grapes, ...

It’s Jerky Time…Not!

Mar

2013

My son was so tired the other night that he actually went up to bed early, or so I thought. When I went upstairs to check on all my kids before I went to bed, like I do every night even though they are all teenagers, I found him in an interesting position. I wish I had my phone with me to take a picture because it was classic. I turned the hall light, opened his door and quietly crept inside his room. He was flat on his back with his mouth wide open. His left hand was resting on ...

Mom, Don’t Go In There! 2

Mar

2013

Mom’s bladder is just not the same after giving birth to 4 kids so, when I feel the need to go, I REALLY HAVE to go. Yesterday morning I was out doing yard work when the ‘I have to pee’ feeling came over me. I ripped off my gloves, ran into the garage and kicked off my shoes, bolted down the hall to the bathroom, only to find the door closed with this on it…. I stood there cursing the kids up and down and shouting the f-bomb quite a few times before I ran to another bathroom. Leave it to ...

Why God Created Parents – Reason #2

Jan

2013

Because who else would be masochistic enough to spend weeks shopping and then hours wrapping hundreds of Christmas presents that are opened and tossed aside in a matter of seconds, all in hopes of reaping a few moments of fleeting joy. And then happily clean it all up! www.mommywarriors.com

Why God Created Parents – Reason #1

Jan

2013

There is a reason why God created parents. Because if kids were left to their own devices, they’d never take a bath, brush their teeth, do their homework or eat a balanced meal. And I have scientific proof of this. Just take a look at the plate my son made for himself at a buffet dinner when we went to a friend’s house. Doritos, bread and chocolate. Need I say more? Stay tuned for more reasons. I know there’s going to be more! www.mommywarriors.com

My Daughter’s Insatiable Curiosity

Nov

2012

My 8 year old daughter was very curious last night while I was tucking her into bed. “Mommy? How do you get a husband?” “Well, when you’re a grownup you meet a man who you like, who you think is handsome and smart and funny, and maybe he thinks you’re pretty and smart and thoughtful, and then you decide you want to spend your life together. “ “Do you have to make a baby if you get married?” “No, you don’t HAVE to.” “Does it hurt?” “You mean to make a baby?” “When the baby comes out.” “Yes, it can.” ...

Parents Hear the Darndest Things 1

Nov

2012

Americans can be very hypersensitive to anything that even hints at racism, and for good reason. As a country born on the principles of equality, most of us strive not only to practice tolerance, but to teach it to our kids. So the reaction of the dad in the following story won’t surprise you, but his kid’s response will. A friend of mine was sitting outside at a kid’s birthday party when he thought he heard his 6 year old son say the “n” word. He immediately stood up, grabbed his son, pulled him into the corner of the yard ...

Jimmy Kimmel’s Cruel (but Very Funny) Practical Joke on Kids Everywhere 1

Nov

2012

I felt a little guilty laughing at this, but it was just too funny. www.mommywarriors.com